What would you do if your deceased parent’s spirit was watching your every move?

My Dad died 39 years ago of pancreatic cancer on December 23, 1983, at 4:30 pm. I was 23 years old, and he was 58.

That year marked the worst Christmas of my life. To this day, I get melancholy every December 23rd, then, like clockwork, snap out of it by Christmas Eve—weird, right?

Reflecting on 40 years since Dad passed, I’ve learned the power of setting boundaries—even with spirits.

As I reflect on how the world has radically changed over the past four decades, I imagine he would be utterly stunned by humanity’s mess.

Here’s the thing: he’d be 98 today, while I’m 63, acting 40—also weird.

Back then, at 23, I thought 58 was ancient. But people carried themselves differently in those days. (I’ll spare you a dissertation on 80s fashion trends.)

This isn’t a eulogy-styled post about how great my father was (he was) or how he shaped me. (By the way, his name was Guy.)

He was undoubtedly a positive influence in my life.

But this post is more about setting spiritual boundaries than nostalgia—go figure (sorry, Dad)! Oh, and happy 40th passing on’ anniversary, Pops.

Why Setting Boundaries With Deceased Loved Ones Matters

It’s an odd milestone to outlive your father’s age of death. I’m 63, stuck in my 40s, hoping to make it to 90.

“I wrote this piece at precisely 4:30 pm on December 23, 2022. Every year at that time, I light a candle and toast your life.”

I remember every visual, auditory, and kinesthetic detail of his passing. There’s nothing more intense than spending two weeks at your Dad’s deathbed, watching him gasp his last breath just before the holidays—it changes you forever.

Some say you become a man after your father dies. In theory, that’s valid, but I was too much of a mama’s boy to become a full-fledged man at 23.

Flash forward to February 18, 2011, at 9:30 am, when my mother died of renal failure (diabetic complications). I was 50 years old; she had just turned 80. Her death was not tragically premature like my father’s. Instead, her passing was peaceful and expected—that’s how I want to go! (but after 90)

When You Become an Adult Orphan

Okay, so now I’m officially a MAN.

The first thing I did after my mother’s death? Got a bunch of tattoos: a guardian angel across my chest, birds, turtles, an anchor compass on my arms, and a large sun on my back.

Before I hit 70, I’ll get a few more. The secret is hiring a talented artist. I’m hoping as my chest sags, the angel wings will spread—how cool would that be?

At 49, I delayed my tattoo journey because my mom was still alive. I can still picture her giving me the evil eye, saying (insisting), “No son of mine will ruin his body with tattoos.”

Yup, I was still a mama’s boy. Never underestimate the power a mother has over her full-grown sons. Their matriarchal edicts are almost like an archetype never to be questioned.

I don’t know if my passive inability to challenge her came from respect or simply tiny balls. My partner says it’s not the latter. (wink-pun)

My brother said it best at her funeral: “You’re not a man until both your parents die. Now we’re officially adult orphans.”

Your mama ain’t here to cheer you on, listen to your whining, and do what mothers do best—love you unconditionally.

Sensing Spiritual Energy: When It Gets Too Close for Comfort

I feel her energy around me every day…

Sometimes, her energy is comforting; however, it can also be awkward when I sense my mom’s presence at inappropriate times.

(Maybe not awkward if you’re from certain parts of the south.)

She left me a beautiful print of a little girl looking through a frosted window. Mom often said, “That’s me looking through to the other side.”

The Bedroom Boundary Crisis

I made the colossal mistake of hanging the print above my bed. Suddenly, it felt as if Mom was watching my every move—ewwwww!

The problem? I couldn’t ‘take care of business’ with that picture hanging over my bed.

I was bursting at the seams (something guys struggle with) and had no choice but to remove all family heirlooms from my private space.

That day, I realized how sensitive I am to sensing spiritual energies—and it’s not weird at all!

How to Set Boundaries With Spirits: A Practical Guide

It was time for an intervention.

Spirits and angels look over us throughout our lives. But come on, ghosts—get out of my bedroom and step away from the bathroom when I’m on the toilet.

One day, I decided to take matters into my own hands (no pun intended).

Telling lingering energies when to visit is reasonable. There comes a time when they need to step away, especially in the bedroom!

So I lit a candle before Mom’s picture and had a heart-to-heart chat with her spirit:

“Listen, Mom, I respected your privacy and never spied on you and Dad, so my bedroom is out of bounds. Please go hover over someone else’s bed. Stay out!”

The same goes for when I’m in the bathroom, picking my nose (we all do it), or doing what mortals do in the privacy of their homes.

The Results: Setting Spiritual Boundaries Actually Works

Then a funny thing happened… she left!

She understood and respected my boundary issues. I never again felt her uninvited energy in my private space—whew!

It was never an issue for my Dad’s ghost because he’s a guy who gets it. Plus, I’m now his elder. (Keep up, lovely reader!)

The Bottom Line: Spiritual Boundaries Are Healthy Boundaries

Here’s my point:

Don’t let spirits (good or bad) push you around. They should only visit when you need them or when invited.

Unless, of course, Mother Karma sent someone knocking because of some nasty stuff you did when you were younger.

Anyhow…

If a spirit enters your space, asking them to leave when their timing is off is completely appropriate.

I often say, “Spirits be gone,” when I feel an unwanted presence in my room—and it works!

It’s not that my actions are shameful; humans need boundaries from spirits, and you must remind them of this.

So okay, Mom and Dad, it was fun when you got new flying superpowers to bolt across the universe. But come on, have a little respect.

“Have you nothing better to do than watch mammals play with themselves, groom each other, and fling poo?” (I saw that on an Animal Kingdom video once)

I suppose one exception would be if you were in the middle of a date with a serial killer from a dating app, and mommy starts moving objects to get your attention—then it’s okay!